" Darker Then Dark "

                                                       " Darker Then Dark "

My emotions are mess & my soul feels dark. My heart feels empty, a numb feeling to better describe it....I am not sure how I got here or how to get away.... I just wish it would go away. I want to smile, I want to laugh, I want to live. I need someone to pull me out of this empty-ness & I hope they do it soon, because this is not my way of living & I don't want to do it anymore.


                                                       " Darker Then Dark"

As I sit here starring at the walls, I wonder how many times can I fall? Before I realize enough is enough! This is some fucking bull-shit. It is that time to stop sitting around on my ass, worrying about the past or the present, sometimes even the future, this way of life is not me I am usually optimistic. But somewhere out of no where these demons came about, to fuck up my world....I've wondered if someone placed a curse upon me, then I realized, hell no that shit can't touch me....

I'm too pure, a shining light, I'm the one who is going to brighten the night...Evil may surround you but no way in hell will I let it drown me. I am going to walk with my head held high & continue to believe I will survive. Inside I am laughing! It may not appear on the surface, you will see, my time is coming & I'm going to be the one pointing & laughing & calling people out....

Don't worry!! I won't forget to shout your name real loud...So everyone will know who it is about! Just when you think there is nothing left to say. I'm a step from the dark yelling "COME ON BITCHES LETS PLAY"!!

You wanted to talk shit " WELL COME THE FUCK ON "  I'm here! Let me hear!! What you got to say?!?

" COME ON!! IT'S DARKER THEN DARK, LETS FUCKING PLAY "

"Good Bye"

I just wanted to THANK YOU, for being there for me!

You helped me open my eyes, you helped me to see....

To see that I still have it in me , to "LOVE" it's like you're my light from above!

You shined it right in my eyes & made me continue to believe....

That I can still say " I LOVE YOU " & it's okay to let people see!

Get a glimpse of my soul & allow my heart to be free....

I thought you felt the same....

It's okay if you don't want to stay. Go ahead & leave!

A "GOOD BYE" I have grown use too....

Doesn't change how I feel or even felt, if only YOU would have BELIEVED.....

I would have been here waiting for you!

So after your "GOOD BYE"!

I am leaving this with a HELLO!

" I had a great time "

"Nothing"

It was "Nothing" when you said hi!

It was "Nothing" when you caught my eye.....

It was "Nothing" when we spent our time together!

It was "Nothing" but a waste of our time.....

"Forget" the fact you made me see!

"Forget" the fact, I felt free....

"Forget" what you once said!

"Forget" the fact, I left you in my heart & not just in my head....

Just promise you will never  "Forget" me & just remember I was "Nothing" more then "Just me"....

I left my guard down for you, I guess you didn't see or maybe you did & chose to ignore!

You know what??  I second thought, maybe you should just "Forget" about me.....

" Fresh Start "

I am lost with no direction….

My faith is being tested…..

I keep resisting temptation & ignoring all this flirtation!!

Trying to swim in my own direction, the current may be strong but I am willing to continue on, because I refuse to fall…..

Knowing this can’t be all, there has got to be more…

On my journey once more, not allowing to stay bored, it is time to cut the cord….

Let  this all behind , stop hiding behind what once may have been or could have been or even should have been….

You had time, but the time is running out, the clock stopped working, time is not froze, you just chose to ignore the signs & not open my door….

I call the shots, when it comes to my own life, you can’t put my love on hold & expect me to wait around….

I am not your puppet & you are not my master, I refuse to continue on allowing everything I go after to turn into disaster….

Not this time, that may have been before, I am turning the tables & claiming my reward…..

The reward being a fresh start & allowing someone new into my heart….

" Quotes "

· ♥ Oh my, oh my, if they only knew, wouldn't you like to know, what is going to stroll through?? I know, I know, but I can't say, sit back & smile, cuz, oh yes, oh yes, KARMA is on her WAY ♥　

♥ I deserve the BEST & I want it more then I have ever wanted it, If they can't treat me like the BEST then FUCKING be gone ♥ I DESERVE IT ♥　

♥ sometimes they are just dreams ♥　

♥ “I am just a puppet & the world is my master, anything I go after, turns into disaster” that was before & this is now, I am turning the tables, no more being the clown. I am the master for which I am destined, you can hop on the wagon & join my obsession, for the world has no control over me it is my destiny to live my life in prosperity” ♥　

♥ without mistakes, how else would we learn, what it is that means the most to us ♥ nothing is perfect, just remember that ♥　


　

There are many keys too true happiness & besides my family & my kids & friends, I find that I am at my happiest, when I get to share my heart with someone, who equally is sharing theirs.

Then you have a whole ♥ EVERYTHING ♥ FAMILY, FRIENDS & LOVE♥ I thought I looked deep & saw something special, I was wrong. Your motive wasn't to be here for me, it was to leave here, without me ♥
♥ So now your considered that old & I am searching for that new, It is time to move on & forget about you ♥　

♥ It is not your mind I want, It is your heart, that I need, when our hearts finally find each other, our minds will follow ♥　



　



♥ Just make sure, when you do it, it is done from the heart ♥♥ Even in my darkest of times, my heart still shines ♥　

♥ My guiding light -N- my bright star, I wish you didn't have to go so far, far in body, but near in soul, you will always be my angel....Your smile is missed, your laughter too, our memories are what get me through ♥　


Sometimes you laugh, cuz it is not for the fun of it or to bring a smile to anothers face, but what you haven't realized, is that it will be our time to laugh & when I say laugh "laugh in your face" I'm sure your smurk will be erased from your face :) mine will continue to stay in place, cuz i am jumping ahead of this race....you stood back for too long thinking that these bitches moved on, nah not this time, for i will not stop until i see the one behind it all, lose her place....

KARMA = JUST SAYING ♥　

♥ It's okay baby, you can tell me you love me, cuz I am gonna say it too, I'm a let you look me in the eyes & get a glimpse of my soul too ♥


　♥ action & re-action is louder then the words that flow so freely from your mouth, your eyes speak clearer then the words that roll off of your tongue, your soul tells more truth then the stories you tell from your lips. ♥　

♥ Beautiful is the answer or maybe the response, beauty is free & respect is the key ♥

　♥ Faith ♥ Hope ♥ Believe ♥ Wish ♥

For Strength, courage & wisdom ♥ Remember though we are all only human, you can only take so much, so if all else fails, you are not weak, but wise to seek for help ♥　We all deserve the best, it is up to you to decide what you will settle for ♥ what do you feel you are worth & who deserves your devotion ♥ What puts a smile on your face ♥ pay no mind to someones opinions, when it comes to matters of YOUR HEART ♥　

　♥ God forbid someone may catch a glance " of this beautiful woman, cover & all " she now walks with her head down, watching every step, cuz she refuses to fall. Don't look up cuz someone may see the truth that things are not what they always appear to be ♥

　you wonder in the dark, searching for light, hoping & believing everything will be alright....continue your days believing in love, knowing right around the corner lie's your true love....butterflies in your stomach, cuz you want this so much, you can actually feel their touch.....　　　

"Justice"

I just wanted to share a little bit of what has been going on in my life. Most of you already knew that I was currently employed by Turkey Hill.

The last few weeks my mom was sick & laid up in ICU. Well for the first 3months of working at turkey hill, i busted my butt & never showed up for work late & worked doubles, stayed late, came in on my days off. Like most places, this work place ended up being like a soap opera. He said she said & people hating on others cuz they think they know someone.

The funny thing is, is the biggest hater in that work place, is one of there very own  managers. "she needs to grow up" learn how to be professional.

"clearing throat" which is the reason I was given for being left go... "for not being professional" ???

anyway, after my 90 day "which should of had an evaluation & did not, all this drama started to go down, because I called off work to be home with my kids and because my mom was in the hospital. So after 36 hours of no sleep N having had enough of the drama, Someone comes to me and says one of the associates is talking about my mom, so what do I do, i go into turkey hill, in front of one of the managers and tell him I will not be in the next day "oh yeah this is a scheduled day off" & then I turn to "IT" and tell her to keep  my moms name out her mouth....

"It" is the daughter of one of the managers who work there, which turns out to be "the main source of the problem" and the mouth running.....

It is her job to set an  example for her co-workers, right?? Instead of doing just that or contacting me, she decides to run her mouth about me and my family to the CUSTOMERS!! What ever happen to privacy??

What was said, I am calling off work and my mom prolly really isn't sick at all "As she is laid up in ICU" might i remind you....then she said i think i am better then everyone, if you know me this is not true, i try & I repeat TRY to get along with everyone, but just can't make everyone happy.

Anyway, I am off work now not cuz of my own health so i am capable of getting around, anyway I go to Turkey hill to get gas, so my dad can go visit my mom in the hospital...."the store manager waits on me" and says hi marcy! I say hi and smile and leave.....

About 20 minutes later I get a phone call saying That he thinks i was being unprofessional for coming in after i called off....I didn't realize that i couldn't come get gas to go visit my mom???

I am being unprofessional, how about a manager who can't fire you to your face, feels the need to call you on  the phone.....

So I call, the other day and make him repeat why I was fired. He does, then I say so tell me why your Manager is still working there?? How is it that I have people who I use to wait on coming up to me telling me my business??

Why do they know this?? I will tell you, because Turkey hill doesn't know how to run a business & you would be a fool to work for them. Well atleast under one manager that is. We won't include all turkey hills, I am sure some people actually know how to run a company. :)

Yeah, I won't let out this little bit of information either, it was said if i was seen out, It was on?? Fighting words?? hahah from a grown woman who is suppose to be setting the example.

The point here, you can bend over backwards for someone & they still just are not happy, but what "she doesn't realize is, there really is such a thing as karma" :-) what comes around goes around!

I am accountable for my own actions, but so is she, so why does she still have a job & I do not??

" LOVE WILL NEVER KILL"

They say:   " LOVE WILL NEVER KILL"

Then why, my mind won't stop spinning?!

Wait a minute, I'll tell you after, I take this last pill!!

I'mma take this pill & down my vodka....

Wait a lil bit, till I decide to walk it off....

Till later when it starts poppin off!!!

I'm not just talkin bout the bottles either....

I'm talkin how my life doesn't seem to be where I want it....

So I drown myself in this darkness!!!

THE RIDE

Need me a freak!! Need me a freak!!

So I can unleash....

I need me a freak!! I need me a freak!!

So I can unleash rawness, in between the sheets....

Let out this aggression....

Switch it up with passion....

Forget the fashion....

Cuz you're going to be smashing....

No need for clothe, Just rip that shirt off & throw it on the floor...

Now lift me up & put me on the bed....

Forget the mission style position...

Bend me over, gently pulling on my hair, now take your position & grip my hips, as I am licking my lips & your grabbing on my tits, gently glide yourself inside & I'mma  enjoy "the ride"

" wasting time"

Why do I even close my eyes, just to see you standing before my eyes?

Our time is flying by, it's time to decide....

What do you want?

Come on!! Stop with the lies!!

You know you want me, why do you try??

To hide, what your feeling....

I can feel it inside, it is called a connection, So go ahead, keep trying to lie...

But I know different, Just remember, your wasting our time, that could be spent together.....

Instead of living & pretending, that we barely know eachother <3 <3 <3 <3

What if?

In this darkness, where no one or nothing can touch me, It might be dark & lonely, atleast I don't have to deal with the fake & phoney...Kisses & hello's that all just lead to goodbye's. Why did I let myself be fooled, I knew you were fucking around with dude....Instead of just facing the truth, I chose to bury it, now i'm lost wondering around with my temper flaring, not caring...about whats to come my way, I'm a take whatever I get, cause these pills haven me not caring or giving a fuck about the rest, I just need to rest, my mind, cause its racing all the time. How the fuck could you do this once more? I always knew you were just a whore, but fuck it why care anymore, I'm really just bored with this shit, I'm a start to resist any doubt or pain I think about conflict but again fuck it - what a rush wondering "WHAT IF"

Give'em something to talk about: " Haters"

Give'em something to talk about: " Haters": "Okay, so here it is, you can hate me, cuz i don't give a fuck! you can run your mouth when my back is too ya, but when my face is near, it i..."

" Haters"

Okay, so here it is, you can hate me, cuz i don't give a fuck! you can run your mouth when my back is too ya, but when my face is near, it is nothing that i hear! I don't live my life for you & I am not going to start. I'm a do me & you do you, just remember while doing you,  don't breathe my way, cuz i'm a give ya the flu, cuz i'm so sick...

uh oh, here she goes again, thinking with that big ego, she thinks she is better then you! NO! see you dumb bitch that's just it, obviously you don't fucking know me, cuz that is the lame shit, that you spit from your mouth.

you claim to be this & you claim to be that, yet when shit gets deep, i have yet to hear truth come from your mouth! pointing your fingers in the wrong direction, why don't you try and get to know someone before making your accusations??

I was there to help you & even be a friend, now you pissed me off & brought the bitch from within!!
Don't think, just cuz you threatened me, i'm a stop living my life. You better start working out, if you think your going to win this fight!!!

Just an FYI for you!!

So the other day, i had a customer randomly asked me what my passions were & without hesitation, I blurted them out. With writing being one of them. Then he continued to ask what I like to write about....so I told him Poetry, story's anything I feel like sharing or saying at that moment. So he says you should really start a blog :) So I have!

Most of you who have read my writings on myspace, know a little something on how i like to write. But for those of you who don't know, I figured I would share.
1. I like to write poetry either about myself or something I may of heard about someone else.
2. Create a story (make believe) oh no, she can make shit up?? yes :)
So when reading my writings in the future "if you do" don't get all caught up in what is being said, just enjoy the creativeness behind & that I am doing something I love too do!!

I hope you enjoy what is too come!

If you take the time to read them, THANKS!!