Emotionally hitting rock bottom

As I sit here wondering what the hell to write about, my mind has a thousand things, I'd like to talk about, to get out. Just try & put it on paper. I go from hating to loving to saying goodbye, right back to I will survive....Wondering how  people are going to take what I got to say, but I'm the first one to tell you "who gives a fuck, what they got to say". Everyone hs an opinion & of course some may conflict, but fuck that bitch!!! Why the hell you reading my shit??

I'm a tell my story from 2007. When I "Emotionally hit rock bottom"

Your mind doesn't stop wondering your heart is beating out your chest, you can't understand this, because all you have been doing was laying to rest...You just wanna go to sleep but your mind won't shut off. It's is driving you crazy. Your kids are fast asleep & you have to be up for work. You're wondering why the fuck is this happening. Then you realize your bodies shutting down, you can't eat "you try" because you do want to survive. You can't sleep & even at times it feels hard to breathe, kind of like your head is closing in. You are trying to fight what feels like a losing battle, but you don't give up, because you don't want to feel this way. You are looking at your kids wondering why are they not enough to snap you out of this? Instead of it pulling you out, it pushes you further in, because now the guilt has set in, you're feeling horrible they're your world & would do anything for them, yet they find you on the bathroom floor again....

So after 3 weeks of having no control of my emotions & walking around like a zombie, my body just there....They truly did find me on the floor & it was who I call one of my "angels in disguise" who litterally picked me up & put me in the car, because I was slowly fading away. My brother Tim & my oldest daughter Trinity took me to the emergency room....I remember laying in the bed starring at Trinity & I got a little spark of hope, yet that sick feeling because she is seeing me like this....

My doctor comes in & begins to speak of course it wasn't hard to tell I was lost just by looking at me. He says do you have suicidile thoughts?? I instantly said no....I have everything & two beautiful girls to live for...I fought for 3 weeks force feeding myself & vomitting everytime the food touched my mouth. I had no feelings other then my insides constantly shaking....I truly thought & was worried I was lost for good, yet always kept my faith....So  with telling you this, now you know why my skin is so thick & I show emotion, when I want too. I am stronger then I have ever been in my life. I was one of the first ones to say "You have to be weak, in order to know how to be strong"

Learning from the situation & seeing how my kids couldn't help at the moment, is the very reason they are now my strength & my sanity that keeps me grounded!!! There will be NO MORE FALLING!!!

(ONCE YOU HIT ROCK BOTTOM "EMOTIONALLY") There is NO going back!!!!